How often have you been shopping and you come across something that is just PERFECT, but does not go up to your size? Over 60% of American women wear a size 14 or above, but only 17% of clothing sold is 14 & up. That is a ridiculous disparity.
Moreover, when some brands move into plus (ahem H&M), they throw their signature trendy looks by the wayside in favor of flowy dark fabrics that they think “work” for plus sizes. That is crap. Plus size women want color, print, and structure. Moreover, we want variety. A group this numerous cannot be a monolith, and since style is such a personal thing, we all have different tastes. I want #plussizeplease to be a way to showcase the demand for styles we’d buy and rock, and all the money brands are forfeiting by refusing to expand their sizes.
So here’s how to use it:
1) Snap a picture of a garment you love but does not come in your size. Include the brand and price, tagging the company if possible. For example, I am in love with this Zara marble print dress. I would have purchased it yesterday if it went above a size L. My tweet would be:
“.@Zara marble print sheath, $59. I’d buy it right now if it came in my size. #plussizeplease”
2) Use it on any social media – Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest… even Facebook supports hashtags now.
3) Tag anything you’d purchase, whether in store or online.
4) Feel free to include the size range it comes in and/or the size you think you’d need. Sizing can be tricky, so this is definitely not required.
5) Tell your friends! I don’t just want this to be a blogger thing – I want all women who wear size 14 and up to show their purchasing power and share styles they love. Let’s be unignorable!
Um, yes. I will be doing this.
We need a term that stands for, “Friend, I am not ignoring you. I am suffering a bout of depression. I will be fine & have support.
"I don’t need to talk and I appreciate that you will listen if I do. I am simply processing heavy code.
"This has nothing to do with anything tangible you can change, and will be over in a few days or weeks."
I need this word a lot.
My wife uses the term “I’m out of spoons”. It makes sense; You can’t eat the bowl of shit life is serving up without a spoon.
Can you control your metabolism with your mind?
Turns out … yes.
Food as placebo! Does labeling something “low fat” or “healthy” trick our brains in the wrong direction? Feed your mind with this great vid from NPR Science.
Previously: Learn more about the weirdness of placebos, from medicine color to pill size, with this video.
The fact that this works for one feeding with a single milkshake means nothing. It’s basically a trick to fool your body into feeling fuller, temporarily, but it says nothing about how your body treats hunger over the long term.
See, there are three kinds of hunger.
There’s mechanical hunger, which is your stomach being empty and growling. It says “PUT FOOD IN YOUR STOMACH.”
There’s mouth hunger or aesthetic hunger, which is your need to eat food that satisfies you psychologically. Comfort food, the native foods of your culture, foods whose tastes and textures satisfy you innately. It says “PUT YUMMY THINGS IN YOUR MOUTH!”
And there’s chemical hunger. Chemical hunger is craving … something. That feeling you get when you don’t eat enough fruit for a while, and suddenly you crave citrus. The feeling you get when you are bleeding from your vagina for the tenth day in a row, and would literally murder old ladies for a steak and/or a bucket of bone marrow. The feeling you get when, for no reason you can name, you crave something like almonds or anchovies or really dark chocolate. At its most immediate, it’s the low-blood-sugar shakes and dizziness. At its most insidious, it’s the thing that leads you to eat and eat until you are satisfied. It says “MEET YOUR NUTRITIONAL REQUIREMENTS BECAUSE YOUR CELLS ARE STARVING, YOU NUMBSKULL.”
Reduced ghrelin may not have much effect on mouth hunger, and it absolutely isn’t going to affect chemical hunger. It will affect mechanical hunger, but only for a short time.
As someone who, out of a hateful illness, starved herself for years like nobody else could do it right, I probably know more about actual hunger than most people ever, ever will. I can tell you all kinds of things about it. Things you probably don’t want to know, honestly.
I can tell you right now that I tried all the tricks.
I tried using smaller plates.
I tried drinking loads of water before each meal.
I tried chewing slowly. (SOOOO SLOWLY.)
I tried filling up on really bulky, low-calorie foods.
I tried really small, frequent meals.
I mean, if there was a trick, I tried it. If I’d known about this, I’d have tried this too.
And none of the tricks worked. I was still hungry pretty much every few hours, and the less I ate, the less time it took for me to get hungry. Eventually, I was hungry all the time. Like, I was so hungry I stopped being able to feel mechanical hunger.
No, stop, think about it. My body had become so used to my stomach being empty that it stopped sending me those signals completely. And yet … I was hungry. All the time. Even when I satisfied my mouth hunger, I was hungry. I needed to eat. I can’t even describe what that felt like, except to say that it was overpowering.
When I finally started recovering, I ate whatever I wanted. And for two years, two years, all I wanted to eat was salt, fat, sugar. For several months, I still never felt hungry, but I couldn’t stop eating. I would eat until I felt physically sick, and I still WANTED to eat more. Because I had been starving myself, and that is what starving yourself does.
Because my body knew, it knew, that 700 calories a day was not 2,000 calories a day. It knew it was starving. It thought it was dying.
You cannot fool that. You cannot permanently change your body’s metabolism with tricks. Just because it works once doesn’t mean it will work the nine hundredth time you try it.
So, unless it can trick your body into literally thinking that 100 calories is 300 calories forever and ever, your weight loss tricks are not going to work forever, you will rebound, you will gain back the weight you lose.
Research like this is useful, because knowing how the human body and mind interact is useful.
Research like this in the hands of people who aren’t qualified to draw conclusions from it is not useful. This will no doubt somehow enter the vocabulary of weight-loss “tricks” intended to help desperate and misguided people fool themselves into thinking they are smarter than the literal cells in their body, when they are not. And that is a sad thing.
So for the people saying “If you think of your kale/wheatgrass/quinoa/goat placenta smoothie as really indulgent, you won’t feel hungry afterward!”, you’re wrong. Do it often enough, and you’ll feel hungry constantly.
There’s not a shortcut. I don’t recommend weight-loss dieting to anyone, but if you’re going to pursue it — again, just don’t do this if you still believe all the crap about being thin being a somehow magical state that will insulate you from all kinds of physical and psychological and social ills — you should know that you are working against literally every cell of your body. There’s not a work-around for that. It is a bone-scraping, desperate hunger you will feel every minute of every day, worse and worse the longer you go.
Clever “tricks” like this are sops thrown to you to say “Look, look, it’s easy, look how easy it is! Look how stupid the human body is! Look how much more powerful your brain is! You can totally fool yourself out of being a meat-popsicle that craves fat and starch and salt if you just work at being satisfied with less.”
All they do is make it easier to start, and easier to keep limping along pretending nothing is wrong, when you can feel with every fiber of your being that there is.
Whenever new “science” shows something that implies, from research based on a single event, one single meal or item of food, that there is a faster way to lose weight, or an easier way to not feel hungry, give it the stinkiest of all stink-eyes. Because one meal? One meal more or less is not hunger. Not really. The measure of hunger is what happens once you have depleted your body’s reserves enough for it to start eating itself away … and then you keep going. And going. And going. What you feel then is hunger.
You know what else probably kills your appetite? Videos of surgery. Nobody’s suggesting that we take up watching those before our meals so we don’t feel like eating as much. And if we did? We’d get used to it pretty fast, as the large number of surgeons nurses and veterinarians and techs who can still eat will attest.
They get over it because our bodies need food. We need to eat, both physically and psychologically, to be healthy. And that is stronger than pretty much any other urge we have except maybe thirst — I don’t know, I never tried to dehydrate myself to death. Hunger takes longer to kill you. (And yeah, you feel every minute of it.) It is stronger than the urge to lick Ben Barnes. Stronger than the urge to pet kittens. I could stop thinking about those things for hours at a time. I never forgot that I was hungry.
Also, as one final note, there’s a huge error in this research. Food is not neutral, okay? We have such a guilt complex around food these days that if I give a random person a 600-calorie treat, it’s 99% certain that they will feel some guilt. And they will feel less guilt over a 100-calorie treat. And guilt? A surprisingly good motivator for feeling sated sooner. Which is why the diet industry is so huge on guilt and shame. So unless you could find someone who had literally no associations with food/calories/guilt — and these days, even finding tiny children who do not have that is going to be a job of work — your study might be measuring something other than what you think it is.
(And guilt doesn’t work long-term, either. I was still hungry enough after four years of 700 calories a day to eat a whole goddamn box of Pop-Tarts. I felt pretty fucking guilty after the first one. I still ate them all, and every piece of fruit in the house.)
(Also, anyone who expects you to endure that sort of hunger just to access a higher tier of respect in the pecking order is a fucking douchebag and you can safely disregard anything they say as toxic bullshit.)
Ugh. Rant over. I’m going to go eat something bad for me, because I fucking can. The best way not to feel hungry — eat when you want to eat.
this is probably the most well-spoken and intelligent thing I’ve read today, and if you scroll past it well you’re missing out
I’m asked at least once a week how to get published. Once upon a time, this was a very straightforward answer:
1. Write a novel.
2. Write a query letter.
3. Send the query letter to agents or to editors.
4. Rinse and repeat until said agents and editors ask to see the rest.
5. Rinse and repeat until they see the rest and ask to buy it.
5. In the case of multiple offers, speak to all parties on the phone and see which one makes you feel like the prettiest pony.
Here were things you did not do:
1. Pay to be published.
2. Pay your agent anything besides 15% of the sale price of your book and your royalties.
3. Pay for any of the costs associated with being published such as cover design, editing, printing, hiring of performing bears, etc.
4. Do anything other than write and be paid for writing.
But now there are many ways to be published. Self-publishing and small publishers no longer have the same stigma attached to them. It is no longer the most obvious thing to say: to get published, write a query letter and submit it to an agency or a publishing house, DONE.
Instead, you must ask yourself: what is my goal in publishing?
If your goal is to write a book that you hope will appear on the shelves of Barnes & Noble, CostCo, and supermarkets everywhere, you still need to follow the first set of steps. A traditional publisher is still your only way to get into all of those places. And if you really do have your eye on stands in supermarkets and Sam’s Club and airports, you not only need a traditional publisher, but you need a large traditional publisher of the sort that generally exists in New York and is called something like Little, Brown, or Scholastic, or Random House. You will also need an agent.
You will need, as I said before, to do all of the steps I first listed.
If your goal is to write a book that you’d like to see on shelves but are fine with those shelves being the ones in specialty stores or libraries or schools, a smaller traditional publisher might be a good option for you. This is especially true if you’ve written a less commercial book. (here is a good way to judge if something is commercial: can you imagine your mother, your hair dresser, your veterinarian, and your brother in law all reading it? if so, it is super commercial. Commercial =/= good. It merely means many people will pick it up).
These smaller houses will carry the burden of editing and printing and marketing for you, but they won’t always have the clout to get your book into major stores. They are, however, often less competitive than the larger New York houses, and they will often give you more personal attention and promote your book for longer. You don’t always need an agent to submit to them either, though I recommend an agent if you’re pursuing a full-time career in writing.
But if your goal is only to be read, or to if you have a keen marketing mind and want to represent yourself, self-publishing is an emerging option. You’ll have all of the control, and there will be no rejection letters in your future. But you’ll also carry the entire burden of cover design, editing, printing, formatting for digital distribution and, most importantly, marketing and publicity. I was a self-representing artist, and success is possible, but it will look different than success at a traditional larger house, and it will ask different things from you. You will not, at this point, ever walk into a Sam’s Club and see a self-published title sitting on the table out front. It is very possible to be a writer without Sam’s Club. But it’s important to keep that in mind if a big commercial career is what you long for — the book on that table bears the logo of a large traditional publishing house.
A note: There are several companies that offer to help you with self/ digital-only publishing at the moment, but I’m not convinced of their usefulness at this point. I think it’s a little too soon to see how they’re anything but a middle man at this stage. My feelings are if you’re going to dive into the digital world, you should be doing it because you want the freedom and control in your own hands.
What it comes down to is that you need to be honest with what you need out of your publishing experience. Unhappiness comes from wrong-headed expectations and targeting the wrong house. If you long to see your book at O’Hare airport, you’re going to have a miserable experience self-publishing. If you want to publish a serial story in ten parts over two years, you’re going to have a hard time pitching it to a traditional house. Don’t expect a small house to suddenly change its stripes and drop a quarter million marketing budget on your novel.
DO YOUR RESEARCH.
Make a list of books and careers that you admire and would like to model, and then work backward to find out how those authors ended up where they were. And if something sounds too good to be true, it is. Consider suspect any option that seems like it doesn’t require rejection and work and practice and polish and scrabbling of your hands and teeth. This is the best job in the world, which means there are a lot of people who are fighting for it. If you really want it, you’ll fight alongside with them.
It’s very worth it.
FYI, children are people, with real, complex emotions, experiences, and lives.
They’re not little pre-humans whose feelings are just playing pretend until they reach adulthood and experience ‘real’ things.
Their lives are not pre-lives that should follow some script of childhood innocence until they become part of the ‘real world.’
Children are capable of feeling real love, anger, hurt, joy, etc. They’re not ‘resilient’ any more than adults, and I fucking hate that idea because it seems to be used to justify treating children like shit as though they’re not human, just unformed putty and it doesn’t matter how they’re treated.
So making fun of or denying the validity of children’s feelings and deciding that nothing they go through is actually meaningful or has a real affect on their life is so fucking wrong and harmful because…wait for it….children are people.
It is so exceptionally hard to pull off that cartoony look, but this chick like… knocked it out of the park. Perfection.
OH MY GOD THIS COSPLAYER
seriously JUST BROWSE HER GALLERY
Hollywood: “But we can’t make the costumes look like they do in the comic books or cartoons! It’s too unrealistic!”
Hollywood: “It won’t look right!”
Hollywood: “Fans demand realism!”
Me: "YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIIIEEESSS!!!!!"
Lets clear this out!
Yes, we are the couple from the cat pic, but that story is fake! we didnt wrote it!
Fortunately the real story is much more happy. Thats why we decided to upload a photo from our families together, our parents and our sisters! We have supportive families that love us and acept us. Is important to us that you share the real story behind this photo because is much more powerful and positive the true story, and we like to spred the positive message that everything always turn out just fine! you dont have to hide this from your family, they just need time to understand. The soon you tell them the soon you stop suffering and the aceptation process begin.
Love to all of our followers and please share the real story and the positive message that we want to spred!
Si! Somos nosotros los de la foto del gato pero esa historia no es real, nosotros no la escribimos!
Afortunadamente la historia real es mucho mas feliz. Es por eso que decidimos subir esta foto de nuestras familias juntos, nuestros padres y hermanas. Tenemos familias que nos apoyan y nos aceptan. Es importante para nosotros que compartas la historia real detrás de esa foto porque es mucho mas poderosa y positiva que la falsa, y queremos esparcir el mensaje positivo de que todo siempre termina saliendo bien! No tenes q esconderles esto a tu familia, ellos solo necesitan tiempo para entenderlo. Mientras mas rápido se los digas mas rápido vas a dejar de sufrir y el proceso de aceptación va a comenzar mas rápido.
Cariños a todos nuestros seguidores y por favor compartan la historia real y el mensaje positivo que queremos esparcir!
Reducing an out of context picture of strangers to inspiration porn is so dehumanizing.
Oh internet you are so full of dark and light I just don’t even know what to make of you sometimes!
An asexual and pansexual become room-mates and have wacky adventures
The show is called ‘All or Nothing’
Plot twist: the asexual is really super outgoing and is a huge flirt while the pansexual is extremely socially awkward and has trouble ordering coffee let alone getting a date.
my hand slipped